~ Approval ~
“I’m so proud of you.” Such important words, although small, can have such an impact on us, and we may think about how much better our lives would have been if we had heard them earlier on. Maybe those “troubled teen” years would not have been so troubled.
This can be a new concept, that someone is actually proud
of us.
We can learn that small lesson of affirmation and approval
from anyone, and although they many never know it, what
they have said can become an integral part in what we will later say to our
own sons and daughters.
It means so much more to hear it from someone that we love and respect. We know how much it means, just as we know what the lack of hearing it can mean.
We may wait all of our lives to hear it from someone, a parent or Grandparent perhaps, and then one day we come to the realization that it will never happen for one reason or another no matter what we did or didn't accomplish. We just never quite measured up and we never will. We may have turned ourselves inside out trying for so long, and then in the most critical time of our lives, we give up and just stop caring and trying.
Sometimes, when I have said it to my own children, I don’t know why I said it, if for no other reason than I thought that they just needed to hear it.
They may not have done anything particularly meritorious at the time.
But what if we have never heard it? Our souls can become dried out and it is even painful to be in our own skins, as we keep searching to hear it, we keep searching to feel and to find it. Like a wound that thirsts for a healing touch and a comforting balm.
Then one day, we take a very important step for ourselves, to stop trying and hungering and thirsting for that which will never happen. And in our hearts we begin to put a distance there and a wall of some sort. We will not torture ourselves any more with it. We have accepted ourselves for what and who we are. We have come to a place where we know we have a real value and much to offer, and are worthy on our own merit, without approval from Father or Mother or Sister or Brother.
If we don’t take this step, we many flounder and grovel in our own lack of self-worth and discontent, which can take us down many dark roads and alleyways of self - inflicted pain, sorrow and desperation. We may act
out and strike out.
“I’m so proud of you." Can it ever be said or heard enough?
It’s much better said when they or we are young and so much
easier for them to hear it then. It almost chokes in our throats
like dust if we wait too long to say it, when our children are
fully grown, or adults with children of their own. What a
difference it could have made. Perhaps eased the way so much
and brought a peace to our lives that we have struggled to find for years.
Children; we are all little children inside. Little ones keep an eye out as they do things hoping to catch an approving look from Mother or Father. Watch them and see.
How we have always longed for and needed it. It says, “I like you and think you’re great, or “I love you and think you are beautiful."
Young girls need to hear this from both of their parents, and it will help them not to overcompensate, or to look for love in all of the wrong places. There are those that are out there just waiting for such girls. They recognize them by their stature and lack of confidence.
Young men need to hear it as well. It can bring peace to their hearts and minds. “If Mom and Dad think I’m great, then I can and will be great. I can do anything and I’m not afraid to try.”
We can stand at a certain point in our lives trying to figure out what it all means. It’s not too late. It could just have happened a lot sooner with a little help and a pat on the back. “Good job, son”, “Well done honey.” It can mean so very, very much. Say it while you can. Say it while it still matters.
